In Which Lobiwan Gets a New Toy With Which He Plans on Saving the World (with your help.)

Typical blog reader: What is that?
lobiwan: A brand new 15'x10" John Deere 1590 No-till Drill
TBR: So what is the big deal?
L: The fate of all civilization.
TBR: Wow! Tell me more!
L: Have you ever heard of a little thing called climate change?
TBR: You mean like global warming?
L: Exactly.
TBR: Do you really believe in that stuff?
L: Maybe, maybe not. How should I know?
TBR: But you have to make up your mind or else I won't know whether to vehemently agree or disagree with you on the subject.
L: Agree or disagree on what grounds?
TBR: Well the Democrats call it as a moral issue, while the Republicans call it a economic issue. So I guess that would depend on my own personal political leanings.
L: What about scientific grounds?
TBR: Science? What is that?
L: (laughing) Oh yeah, I am always forgetting that science is only useful to modern Americans so far as it will support their own personal political agendas and undermine the agendas of their “enemies”. How silly of me...
TBR: Well, I wasn't going to say anything...
L: Thank you.
TBR: Did you have a point?
L: I was trying to work around to the carbon cycle.
TBR: Oh like this:

L: Exactly.
TBR: So what does that have to do with your new 1590 drill?
L: It allows me to plant wheat without tilling first.
TBR: Tilling? Do you mean plowing?
L: Not really, but close enough.
TBR: So why don't you want to plow?
L: Till. Laziness.
TBR: I'm all for that!
L: Well that was a joke. Laziness is a sin. I am ashamed of you.
TBR: Oh, well, um, I was joking too!
L: Good.
TBR: So why don't you want to plow for real?
L: By not tilling, I save fuel, greatly reduce soil erosion and improve the biological makeup of my soils.
TBR: Wow! You are my hero!
L: I should be.
TBR: Wait, you didn't mention anything about carbon.
L: Well do you see the word organic carbon on the carbon cycle picture?
TBR: Um, yes it is just to the northwest of the sheep.
L: Sheep? I thought it was a cow.
TBR: No, it looks more like a sheep to me.
L: Sheep then.
TBR: Well, a pretty deformed sheep…
L: Isn’t it kind of big to be a sheep?
TBR: Um, the picture isn’t exactly to scale, I think.
L: Oh.
TBR: Organic carbon?
L: Yes, well, see how the arrow goes underground?
TBR: Yep.
L: Well, dead plant matter, if left alone, will eventually break down and get stored in the soil as organic matter.
TBR: No matter what? Get it?
L: Ha Ha, No.
TBR: No You don’t get it or no no matter what.
L: Both. The point is that if left alone, a goodly chunk of the carbon in the plant will get stored in the soil long term.
TBR: But if you plow?
L: Tillage introduces large amounts of oxygen into the soil, which rapidly converts the carbon in the organic matter into carbon dioxide.
TBR: A greenhouse gas!
L: Whatever.
TBR: So by leaving the soil undisturbed you greatly reduce the oxidation of soil stored carbon and thus create what I believe is known as a carbon sink?
L: Yes, and the more carbon in the soil equals the less carbon in the atmosphere.
TBR: Weren’t millions of acres of untouched prairies tilled for the first time in the nineteenth century? And wouldn’t this “breaking out” of ground for the first time in history release vast quantities of previously soil stored carbon into the atmosphere?
L: I don’t think most typical blog readers would make that connection.
TBR: Well, this is really taking a long time to write, and I thought we could save some time. Besides most of your blog readers don’t even read the non Anna related posts.
L: good point.
TBR: Well what of it? Could the breaking out of farm ground have a significant impact on atmospheric CO2 levels?
L: Well, some would argue that it has a much greater impact on CO2 levels than any other human activity.
TBR: Some?
L: Well one, anyway, a professor whose class I took at K-State.
TBR: What class was that?
L: Soil Microbiology
TBR: Probably taught by some nut.
L: No I think he is pretty widely respected. In fact, some of his work was recently recognized by the Nobel Committee.
TBR: He won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry!?
L: No, it had more to do with the Nobel Peace Prize.
TBR: You took a class from Al Gore in college!!??
L: No, his name is Chuck Rice.
TBR: I have never heard of him, but he works for the U.N. now? And won the other half of the Nobel Peace Prize? Wow!
L: No, he is still at K-State, but he did help to author the U.N. report that the Committee put together on climate change.
TBR: Him and a hundred other people.
L: Yes
TBR: Not really as cool. Can you call him a Nobel Laureate at least?
L: I don’t know. I kind of doubt it.
TBR: But it would be cool if you could say that you were taught by a future Nobel Laureate.
L: Yes it would.
TBR: I think you can go ahead and say it. Why not?
L: Maybe I will then.
TBR: I think you should.
L: Okay. I took Soil Microbiology from a future Nobel Prize winner.
TBR: Most people would say “Nobel Peace Prize.”
L: Yes, but that doesn’t sound as cool, ‘cause the peace prize is a political prize, not a science prize.
TBR: That does seem kind of weird, giving out the peace prize for something like a report on climate change.
L: What are you going to do? They also gave the peace prize to someone for essentially narrating a really fancy filmstrip.
TBR: That is insulting! I am sure that they used a computer to put the film together. Probably a Mac even!
L: Okay, a glorified You Tube video then.
TBR: Did you even see it?
L: No.
TBR: Neither did I.
L: I guess he has done other things too.
TBR: Name one.
L: Um… He was Vice President for a while. And a senator before that.
TBR: So he used his great power to fundamentally alter the energy consumption of our great nation and set us on the path to good environmental stewardship?
L: Um, I wouldn’t describe any changes he made while in office as fundamental ones.
TBR: Well, he surely used his superior skills as a communicator to inspire Americans to make changes in how they view the environment around them?
L: Have you ever heard him speak? He isn’t much of an inspirer of Men.
TBR: Maybe a little wooden at times, I’ll give you that.
L: And didactic, and accusatory.
TBR: Well he has a right to accuse. He lives an energy efficient lifestyle that is the model of what one person can do to make a difference.
L: Did you not get that email forward?
TBR: Which one?
L: About the two houses, about the really efficient one and the really wasteful one?
TBR: I take it his wasn’t the efficient one?
L: Not even close.
TBR: Oh.
L: Yeah.
TBR: Well how does he justify the incredibly contradiction between his public calls for environmental stewardship and his personal extravagant, wasteful lifestyle?
L: Funny you should ask.
TBR: HA HA HA! I don’t get it.
L: Well that is the whole point of this post.
TBR: You mean you have a point?
L: Well, no, more of a vaguely humorous, unoriginal joke.
TBR: Well why am I reading this stupid post? I could be editing Wikipedia entries.
L: Sorry, I can stop now.
TBR: You can’t stop now! We have come so far!
L: Really? I think this has all been a mistake, I could just hit dele..
TBR: NO! Now you straighten up and finish what you started for once.
L: Are you sure?
TBR: (Glares at lobiwan)
L: Okay, well he justifies it by purchasing carbon credits.
TBR: (clearly unenthused) And what is a carbon credit?
L: You buy carbon credits to offset your carbon use.
TBR: And who sells carbon credits?
L: I’m not really sure.
TBR: What do you get when you purchase a carbon credit.
L: The satisfaction of knowing you are living a carbon neutral lifestyle.
TBR: Satisfaction how? How are you neutralizing your carbon use?
L: Well whomever you purchase the credits from applies the money towards carbon saving activities, like planting trees or recycling paper or something.
TBR: Is there any oversight? I mean it sounds kind of like a scam. Or like the Emperor’s New Clothes.
L: (Shocked) Are you calling the distinguished gentleman from Tennessee a fool?
TBR: Not in so few words…
L: Well it is not like the Emperor’s New Clothes. It is more like the medieval practice of Indulgences.
TBR: Oh I see. Just like when rich folks would send their money to the Pope, and he would see to it that God didn’t punish them for whatever vile act they were about to commit.
L: Yes, pretty much exactly like that.
TBR: Well that makes perfect sense then. I must apologize to the former almost but not quite President. He truly is a shining example for Peace.
L: Well I think it is the least you could do.
TBR: You mean there is something more I can do?
L: Well, yes. You could purchase your own carbon credits to offset you own carbon consumption.
TBR: Well, I wouldn’t want to send my precious carbon offsetting cash to just anyone.
L: No
TBR: Certainly not to some large nameless carbon credit corporation!
L: Certainly!
TBR: If only there was a person I knew and trusted, an individual who would promise to take my funds and apply them towards a proven method of reducing atmospheric carbon…
L: If only…
TBR: Yes a good, honest, hardworking person. A person who puts God first, family second, kicking drum grooves third, and innovative soil improving practices fourth.
L: Yes.
TBR: Someone like… someone like you lobiwan!
L: (Incredulous) Like me?
TBR: Yes! It’s perfect! I will buy carbon credits from you lobiwan!
L: Well I…
TBR: Now, now, don’t be modest, you are just the sort of person I could trust with my precious, precious money.
L: Well I…
TBR: How much would I owe you?
L: Well I don’t really know that you owe me any…
TBR: Let’s see I have a car that burns carbon based fuel, that’s $20,000 dollars, a carbon burning furnace in my home, that’s $5000 dollars, a dog that eats carbon based food, that’s $1,000…
L: You have a thousand dollar dog?
TBR: He’s registered!
L: Oh.
TBR: Well, we’ll just round it up to a nice even number. How does $50,000 sound?
L: Well I…
TBR: Who do I make the check out to?
L: (Regaining composure) Make it out… Maybe it would be better if this were a strictly cash transaction.
TBR: Right as always lobiwan! I will see to it that the money is in your account by morning!
L: Okay then, if you’re sure…
TBR: Well you are going to continue the revolutionary practice of no-till farming are you not?
L: Well I already bought the drill, so I guess I am stuck. John Deere doesn’t exactly give these things away you know.
TBR: Perfect! Thank you thank you lobiwan! Now I can live the careless, private jet, chauffeured limousine lifestyle I have always dreamed of! With no regrets! Enough negative regrets, in fact, that I can openly scold my fellow citizens for not doing enough!
L: You are very welcome.
TBR: So when did you think up this ridiculous post, anyway?
L: The tractor gets pretty boring.